Copper's Journey

Bomma, please... what did you expect? That if a guy (other than Mojo) came to OUR apartment, I'd go to my kennel and behave? Not bloody likely. For a long time, it's just been me and you. Remember? It's ME you snuggle with on the couch, and it's ME you smile for, and it's ME you talk to! NOT some other man, Bomma. I just can't stand it. I don't know why you want another man in our life, but I'm going to let you in on a few secrets.

• If you sit on the couch with him, I'm going to wedge myself between the two of you
• When you're not paying attention to me, I will drag your granny panties out of the laundry basket into the living room
• I'll reformat your hard drive
• I'll kiss you on the lips so he won't want to
• When he pets me, I'll roll over and pee on him
• I'll develop the worst case of gas you've ever smelled
• I'll never let you put another sweater on me
• Let's not forget what you did to my nuts... I think you owe me
• Your iPod will be toast the next time you leave it within my reach

So Bomma, let's stop this dating stuff. We are just fine by ourselves! Nobody loves you more than I do. *wags tail*

First of all, there was this big ruckus going on outside the patio window so I was doing my Alpha Male routine and barking loudly at the kids playing outside. Bomma would want to know that humans were outside, so I barked really loud and made a fuss! Next thing I know, she squirts me from a distance with the water bottle and tells me to HUSH. Bomma, I'm just doing my job. I want you to be so proud of me. Next thing I know, Bomma is sitting at her puter with a cup of hot stuff in a mug and I got an itch. So... I scratched it and it made my tags jingle on my collar. Then, I got another itch and so I started scratching it again. This made Bomma pay attention. When she saw me scratching, she jumped up out of her chair and nailed me to the floor spreading my front legs WAY APART. Ouch, Bomma! What the heck are you doing? She had her face 2 inches from my body poking and searching and rubbing my fur backwards, then........ PINCH! I saw her squish something between her fingers and say a curse word. She picked me up and looked at my itch and hugged me. She said, "Oh Copper. You have your first FLEA!" She grabbed my leash, clipped it on my collar and we headed out the door. HOT DOG! We're going for a walk! She walked me straight to the vet's office by our apartment, and I didn't even care that that's where I lost my nuts. There were people there who babied me and patted me and told me I was cute. Well gosh, I know that already. Don't forget I'm handsome and adorable, incredibly soft and warm, and the toughest weenie on the block. Bomma told the lady I had my first flea, so she gave her some medicine to put between my shoulder blades to kill them. She also gave her a new box of heartworm medicine. All my shots are up-to-date so I don't have to go back until December. Bomma asked her to weigh me and I'm proud to say that I'm 14.3 pounds of pure weenie now. :::puffs out chest::: I didn't mean to scare Bomma. She was furious with the flea. I saw her making a list of who might have given it to me, but I've gotta tell her.... it wasn't Marco. I probably picked it up at the poop station. I'm going to be one year old next week, so I'd say it was about time I got a flea. *wags tail*

Her booty was so fine...

 

 

And her face so divine....

 

 

She looked as good as can be...

 

 

But Bomma? I totally fell for her HDTV! *wags tail*

 

 

Oh Bomma, she's be-YEW-tiful! Can we keep her? Huh? Bomma I don't know why she's here, and I don't even care. I'm CRAZY about Noel! I can't keep my paws off of her! But Bomma... why does she sit down when I try to sniff her butt? I only want to get to know her better. *bark*

Copper & Noel 7/19/07

This weekend, my big brothers invaded Bomma's house. They messed with my head so bad. Cohdy, Preddin & Jon are mean. Oh, yes they are.

• Contrary to what you think, I will not spread wings and fly when you toss me in the air and yell "FLY WEENIE! FLY".
• I will pee on you when you flip me on my back and do your Monster imitation, Cohdy.
• If you put me close to your face, I will lick it.
• Even my farts don't stink as bad as yours. GAG!
• "Axe" does NOT smell good on me.
• I gained 3 pounds eating your leftover pizza crust.
• I will not stop barking when you tell me to STFU.
• I am not fat. Stop calling me fat.
• The only reason I didn't bite you is because Bomma loves you.
• I know the only reason you didn't kill me is because I'm so soft and cute.
• I can't wait for you to come back to see us.

*wags tail* I will sleep good tonight!

Tonight Bomma stopped the perp from being able to chew the coax cable OR the carpet on the floor by the patio door. She looked all determined and stuff as she shoved the day bed against the blinds by the door so NOBODY could get in there. Not even me, and I didn't even do it! So now my days of running circles around the day bed are long gone. Thanks a LOT Mojo. You ruined it for me, dude. Now I don't have a hiding place for when Bomma turns on the oven either.

Exhibit A:

Detail photos: Just LOOK at what someone did to Bomma's cable coax. CHEWED IT! Almost in half! She looked at me like I did it, but I swear it wasn't me! I'm trying to tell Bomma that I have an idea who it might have been, and here are my three best guesses: Suspect #1:

A freaking beaver! Check out that frayed cable! Only something with very sharp teeth could have chewed through it, and check out the "I'm so busted" look in this Beaver's eyes. One night, he climbed the apartment complex, slid down the chimney, chewed the cord while I was asleep and not on guard, and escaped the same way. Just like Santa. He probably did it.

Suspect #2:

Big Boy - The neighborhood fat-ass cat.

Big Boy has an attitude. He weighs about 35 pounds, and he knows how to push doors open. I suspect that when Bomma takes me for a walk, he jumps off the retaining wall, pushes our door open with his WEIGHT, comes in and chews the cable coax, runs out and back to his house before we get back. He is EVIL. If the Beaver has a good alibi, Big Boy better start saying his prayers because I'm hot on his trail.

Suspect #3:

The Elusive Mojo

Yep, this man has a bone to pick with me. I pooped in his briefcase and peed on his shirt on two separate occasions. He prolly doesn't like me very much, so I figure this: when he had a key to our apartment, he got a spare one made... came in while Bomma and me were out of town visiting Coddy & Preston, CHEWED the cable and left one of my toys beside it so it'd look as if I was the one who did it. Mojo? Your days are numbered. I'm going to check your alibi as well, and if I find it doesn't check out I'm going to poop in your shoes. *bark*

After reviewing the suspects, I think __________ did it.

The Beaver

1

Fat Boy

7

Mojo

15

 

Welcome to my new world of peace and serenity. I chew less, I'm calm, and I stopped peeing on the bed. I am Copper. Zen Master.

T'ai Chi anyone?

(Wait 'til Bomma sees the coax cable.)

Bomma, I read your blog. I can read, ya know. I know you told your friends about how I peed on your bed and I was being a "Holy Terror". I heard you on the phone with the Vet yesterday asking WHY I was misbehaving. Bomma, I was sitting right there beside you. Duh. I appreciate your apology to me. Yes, I understood every word. I forgive you, Bomma. *winces and looks away* I think I have it all out of my system now. I know I slung the rocks in your Garden of Zen, and I really screwed with your Chi, but Bomma.... you paid money to have my balls removed. *bark*

Little did I know that Bomma was going out of town. Little did I know I would be "kenneled" instead of going with her. But the part that blew my little mind was that those people who kenneled me (pardon the expression) cut my nuts off.

The Good News is: I received a complimentary toenail trim while I was under. The Bad News is: My nuts are gone. Good News: Bomma came and rescued me from those evil people. Bad News: I now have a meat without 2 veggies. Good: Bomma is spoiling me rotten with cheese and rawhide chews. Bad: I have a Josie with no Pussycats. Good: All the pillows in the house are actually where they belong. Bad: If I lived in a glass house, I wouldn't have anything to throw.

 

All in all, I'm doing fine. I kind of have this "look" in my eye, but Bomma thinks it's from the anesthesia and pain medication. I think it's because I just lost my balls. I'm still the same ol' Copper, hyper as hell and chewing everything in sight. The nurse at the vet's office said I'm one of the pretties dachshunds she's ever seen. *puffs chest* I licked Bomma all over when I saw her. She said I am very brave. A word to Nemo. If your Bomma packs up your overnight bag and takes you to the vet's office... RUN! Cover your balls and RUN! *bark*

"Are My Balls in Here?"